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2010.01.29 (16:09:16)
Sermon Date:  Jan 24, 2010 
Speaker Name:  Rev. Billy Chung 
Scripture:  Ephesians 4:26,27 
Passage:   

                                    

A recent Gallup poll found that 49% of people experience anger at work. 16% become so angry that they felt like hitting someone.  30% of American women report being abused by their boyfriend or husband.       

Do you like getting angry?

              Some people hate getting angry; on the other hand, maybe the opposite is true. Perhaps you like your anger. It gets you what you want when you want it. You learned to control people with angry tantrums as a child, and the technique is still working. You've just become more sophisticated. Instead of stomping your feet, you raise your voice (a lot!) and level your gaze and make threats. People are afraid of you, and you like that surge of power and control. Or perhaps you think that anger is a means of protecting yourself against further abuse.

 

True, anger may temporarily get you what you want. But fleshly anger will never get you what you really need or desire, because "the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God," as James tells us (1:20).

 

Results of uncontrolled anger

Anger kills the body.

When angry, the adrenaline that is released stimulates s fat cells to empty their content into his bloodstream. This provides additional energy in the event the situation required immediate action. But many people stay in place when angry which causes their livers to convert the fat into cholesterol.

Over time the cholesterol formed from the unused fat in the bloodstream will accumulate, forming into a plaque in his arteries that begins to block the flow of blood. If the struggle with anger continues, one day the flow of blood could be entirely cut off to a portion of his heart. 500,000 Americans each year  suffer from a heart attack.

 

Anger kills relationships.

   Marriages

        The majority of marriages begin as a wonderful, romantic, almost fairy-tale interaction between two people. That is what is known as the "honeymoon phase". This phase doesn't last forever. In a marriage, it is important that each partner is mature enough to acknowledge that, eventually, you're going to get annoyed or frustrated with the other person. As conflicts increase, anger increases but the anger leads to unforgiveness and harmful words and actions rather than leading to repentance.

       

Roots of anger:

  1. Wrong expectations.

a.         “I am the center of the universe and deserve to treated accordingly.”

b.      “My children should obey me immediately.”   

c.       “My friend should call me back within 5 minutes.”

d.      “My spouse should always love me and respect me, regardless of their physical condition and regardless of my sinful behavior.”

  1. Misplaced priorities – Jonah 4

As with most people today, Jonah's moods were based on circumstances. When God "appointed" the plant for shade, Jonah was happy. When God "appointed" the worm and the scorching wind, he was angry and miserable. When things were going his way, Jonah's anger was under control. But it didn't take much to set it off again.

 If his priorities were:

i.                    Pleasing God

ii.                  Blessing others

He would have not been angry.

 

  1. Unfinished business – (unforgiveness)

Often we respond in anger more because of past experiences than the current situation.

ways in which people can feel rejected.

 

Perfectionism: parents imposing their unrealistic expectations of themselves on their children. Children trapped in this system learn that they are just not good enough.

 

Ignoring your children and not spending time with them

gives the message that they are less important than other people and things.

Overindulging children will cause them to get angry when they don’t get their way.

Overprotecting children sends the message that they are incompetent.

Comparing children unfavorably to others or ridiculing them can cause them to think they are unlovable, unacceptable, and unworthy with them sends the message that they are worth less

than other people and things.

 

Apart from the grace of God, those experiences will scar children’s souls.

 

Performance-based acceptance is not truly acceptance but actually a form of rejection.

it is conditional love expressed as, "We love you when..." or “if” It is the frown that creases the face of a parent who sees the Bs and ignores the As on her children's report cards. It is the proud slap on the back from the dad when his son scores the touchdown and the look of disgust when he fumbles. It is the joy in parents' yes when their children declare their decision to enter the medical profession and the disapproval expressed when they choose to pursue a career in music.

 

Performance-based acceptance is not truly acceptance at all. It is rejection, and like all rejection, it can cause a child to feel angry, worthless, and unwanted.

 

 

 

Application

  1. Lower your expectations – If I get angry when someone doesn’t listen to me, I sometimes get angry right away. Other times, I don’t get angry at all. What is important is my expectations.

     I might say, “Abby, say “Appa”. So far she hasn’t listened to me yet. However, I am not angry with her.

2.      Stop and think for 3 seconds.

Acknowledge that we are angry to God and to ourselves.

     We need to choose to control our thoughts, which will lead to a change in our feelings.

   

3.      Reprogram our minds.

     Ephesians 4:26,27

         A changed life is a result of changed thoughts.

 

4.      Re-locate your joy.

          Ask yourself what is acting as if it is more important than God in my life this moment?

If our identity and security are centered in our eternal relationship with God, then the things of life that are temporal have less of an impact on us. Jesus Christ came to set you free from the control of anger. He came that you might have life and have it more abundantly (John 10:10). He has promised us a peace, but it's not like the peace the world gives-based on peaceful circumstances (John 14:27) It is a peace of mind and heart running so deep and strong that it goes beyond human understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).

            The respect/obedience of my children or spouse.

            The love of my family?

            The temporary and unreliability of money and possessions.

           David said to God, “You are my glory.” – Psalm 3:3

                  But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head.

              Glory means joy and also what is of utmost importance.

 

Suppose 2 business partners have a problem. One man had believed that this new contract would make him successful. Many of his personal goals were going to be realized, but now his dreams are dashed. He responds in anger to all who try to console him and calls his lawyer to see if be can sue the company who broke the contract.

The other partner is a Christian who deeply believes that real success lies in becoming the person God created him to be. He believes that God will supply all his needs. Therefore, this loss has very little impact on him. He experiences some disappointment, but be doesn't get angry because be sees this temporary reversal as an opportunity to trust in God. One of these two partners is stressed out and angry, while the other partner is experiencing very little stress and anger. Can faith in God have that kind of an effect on us? Clearly so, because in our example the difference is in the two partners' belief systems.

 

  1. Focus on holy goals rather than desires

Desire: a specific result that depends on the cooperation of other people or favorable circumstances

Ie: I want to get home in less than 20 minutes

 

Examples of a holy goal, which are not dependent on circumstances or other people

     I want to be the most patient driver I can be.

    I want to be the hardest worker I can be.

   I want to be the most faithful worshiper of God I can be.

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Jun 06, 2010 I want to change. (2864) Luke 18:35-43 Rev. Billy Chung
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May 23, 2010 Following Christ (1326) Luke 9:23 Rev. Billy Chung
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Mar 07, 2010 Love does not envy. (2016) 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 Rev. Billy Chung
Feb 28, 2010 Love is kind. (2221) 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 Rev. Billy Chung
Feb 07, 2010 Dealing with anger (997) 1 Corinthians 1:3 Rev. Billy Chung
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Jan 24, 2010 Killing anger (734) Ephesians 4:26,27 Rev. Billy Chung
Jan 17, 2010 Keep praying (breathing) (686) Ephesians 6:18 Rev. Billy Chung
Jan 10, 2010 Jeesung's Testimony (387) Jeesung Kim
Jan 10, 2010 Ephesians 6:17 - Using the Sword of the Spirit (2543) Ephesians 6:17 Rev. Billy Chung
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